Monkees getting high for science in North Carolina

In the great state of North Carolina Armada Monkees are getting high on the government supply! Much to the chagrin of Tea Party morons and Republican dolts, the U.S. government has decided to fund a research project at the illustrious Wake Forest University in that fat easy girl of cities Winston-Salem (NC).

An analyst at the Civitas Institute seized on that image when selecting a cocaine addiction study at Wake Forest University Medical School as No. 1 on a list of the "10 worst federal stimulus projects in North Carolina." Civitas' Brian Balfour takes swipes at projects, writing that they "seem completely unrelated to avoiding an economic 'catastrophe,' but rather an ad hoc satisfaction of countless dubious wish lists."

So, what is the $71,623 federal stimulus grant paying for?

Well, a job, said Mark Wright, a spokesman for the Wake Forest University School of Medicine.

"It's actually the continuation of a job that might not still be there if it hadn't been for the stimulus funding. And it's a good job," Wright said. "It's also very worthwhile research."

The study is examining the effects of cocaine on a particular neurotransmitter among monkeys who have had a long-term addiction to cocaine.

The medical school boasts a significant body of work studying addiction. Ultimately, the study could lead to better treatment for recovering cocaine addicts.

Balfour also cited another Wake Forest study. This one is studying whether yoga and other non-pharmaceutical therapies such as wellness classes can help alleviate hot flashes and other symptoms of menopause.

"How does this study help revive the economy?" Balfour asked.

Well, again, jobs, said Nancy Avis, a professor in the Department of Social Sciences and Health policy at the medical school. The funding, more than $147,000 over two years, will contribute to the salaries of six people.

To read the complete article, visit www.newsobserver.com.

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Alaska bans Monkees!

Alaska has banned all Monkees. Now that Sarah Palin has gone off to fight Family Guy and stand up for cracked tea pot partyers everywhere, the state of alaska has banned all Monkees in fear that we will enter the state and ravage it even worse than she did. The Alaskan Board of Game has declared the entire state a monkee free zone, claiming that "Even a small monkey is strong, and they have big teeth." They believe this paltry ban will stop us but the new law will exempt those of us already within the borders of the state who's motto is "North to the Future". The future belongs to the Monkee (and the robot). Already our technicians have begun work on a robot Monkee that will infiltrate the frozen lands to the north and any where else we are denied natural entry. As the U.S. Congress tries to stop our interstate coming and goings. Hopefully they will have about as much sucess with that as they have with getting hue-mans health care!